I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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