3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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