it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
