I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize