Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
