i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
