so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
