so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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