very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
