I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
