11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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