i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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