Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
