We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
