We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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