also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think my vagina is haunted
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
