is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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