I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
