Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
