New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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