if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
