I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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