Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize