SEEEEXXX PLEASE
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
