Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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