It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
