Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
