aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
