OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
