I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
