nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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