Whod you bang
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
