Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Pappa wants mamma naked
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
