Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
