Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize