Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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