my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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