return my video game
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
