Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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