google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
