It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
