so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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