You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
