is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
