i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
