If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
