new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize