I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i permit you to call me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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