How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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