I faked an abortion last night.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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