You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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