just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
