I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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