she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize