Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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