someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
