i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
