i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
