that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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