K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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