Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
