I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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