i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
