WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
