He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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