By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm always down for nudity.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
