Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
