I think my vagina is haunted
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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