bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
