Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize