Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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