Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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