she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
