I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My penis needs a shock collar
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
