My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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