guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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