His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
