brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
