I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
