So drunk its hurt
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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