I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i've created a new STD.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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