went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize